In the definitively middle-class Royal Tunbridge Wells, 16 year old Lance has been romantically obsessed with Steph "the fittest thing since sliced fit" for exactly "3 years, 11 months and 25 and a half days". And he's barely even spoken to her. Unable to approach Steph, but desperate for something to change, Lance faces his worst fear - of holding 'the worst party ever' when his parents go away for the weekend. Enlisting his enigmatic, porn-addicted best mate Henry to help plan things, Lance tr...